On doing and not-doing

It’s December. Mid-December. And I’ve been thinking. Thinking about my weaving/creating, about working, about life, about joy. About what I can do, what I’m willing to do, and what I want to do; what makes me happy.

Specifically, what I will weave and how much of it. If I were ‘on target’ with my weaving, I’d have made 30-36 finished pieces, not counting towels, since summer. I have 15. Half, at best. And it’s time for me to have either new finished or nearly-finished pieces for new professional photos to be taken for show applications, which will be due before I know it.

Is it possible for me to ‘make up’ all the ‘missing’ pieces? Theoretically, yes. Do I want to do that? Not really.

I’ve gone round and round on this, arguing, like always, both sides of this coin. I’ve long thought it was my Gemini nature to do that. In any case, I’ve decided – at least I’m pretty sure I’ve decided – that I’m only going to apply to one of my two favorite summer shows this year.

Yes, that will likely cut my weaving income in half. It will also cut my production need in half. I want to continue to weave, and to sell my weaving. But I don’t want to weave just because I have to for shows. I want to sew more with my handwovens. In fact I recently purchased an hour of individual instruction from a local woman whose work I admire. I want to continue to dye my yarns. I want to continue to use up my stash. But I don’t want the pressure. Plus, my body sometimes complains, and I’m listening to it more.

For example, I’ve had tendonitis in my thumb since at least August. It gets better and worse for reasons I can’t identify. I haven’t been to my primary care doc for this. Maybe it’s time, now that it’s been going on for five months? But I didn’t think he could give me any guidance I don’t already have. Like rest it. Stabilize it. Be kind to it.

So I’ll be considering where and how I can sell what I do make. I don’t have any answers at the moment, but for now, at least, I’m okay with that.